(This poem was written for my freshman English class, but it still applies today.
So that's why I'm putting it onto here.)
I am ...
A bottle of wine -
Sickly sweet and addicting;
The Bible's Jonah -
Off-path and astray;
A letter -
Torn up, full of so many words unspoken;
An old dog -
Tired and forgotten;
An unfinished book -
Written part of the way, then set aside;
A song -
Full of underlying meaning;
A work of embroidery -
Beautiful, yet delicate;
A priceless antique -
Fragile, no one wants for fear of breaking;
A ruined tie -
Discarded and labeled "garbage";
An expensive toy -
Never used, sitting on a dusty shelf, waiting;
The last cigarette -
Then you quit forever.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
It can't rain all the time.
So to go along with the whole Facebook thing of fifty random facts, I figured since I'm doing nothing right now but watching a movie with my sister. Not just any movie; Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest. Love it, <3.
Here goes.
1. My shoe size is eight.
2. My natural hair colour is auburn.
3. My top five favourite bands are The Beatles, Streetlight Manifesto, The Airborne Toxic Event, Savage Garden, and The Decemberists.
4. I just ate a chocolate cupcake with red frosting for Valentine's Day !
5. Josh Mazrin dropped me after a funeral, almost two years ago, and I still have the scars.
6. I have over twenty pairs of shoes. My mother has only four, and she's constantly getting on my case about the amount of shoes I own.
7. Whenever I date a boy, I always take one of his hoodies and wear it around the house and to bed.
8. I LOVE Candy Land. It's always been, and always will be, my all-time favourite board game.
9. My celebrity crushes are Edward Norton, Dallas Green, and Eugene Hutz.
10. The only time I would ever tolerate my significant other cheating in a relationship was if it was with Brad Pitt.
11. I hate painting my whole finger nail, I only like doing tips.
12. The only types of macaroni&cheese I'll eat are Velveeta or Kraft, unless my sister makes it. I don't know what makes it different, but it's delicious no matter what brand she uses.
13. I love quotes. But not those lame ones. I love ones that actually mean something. (Ex: "It can't rain all the time." - The Crow.)
14. I have a birthmark on my neck that looks slightly like a hickey.
15. I'm never satisfied with the length of my hair. When it's short, I wish it was long, and when it's long, I wish it was short.
16. My septum was pierced almost a year ago, and I've still only taken it out once. That was for a few seconds because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find the hole again.
17. I wish I had either a British or a French accent. They're sexy as hell.
18. My hair colour is constantly changing. I can never decide on what colour I want it to be.
19. I sing "You are my sunshine" to my boyfriend all the time.
20. I know "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in French, as well as a song about the days of the week, Frere Jacques, and Aluetta.
21. I don't wear eyeliner. The only makeup I wear is eyeshadow and mascara.
22. I don't want to have children until I'm at least twenty-five.
23. My composite score on my ACT was 22. My lowest score was 13 - Science. My highest score was 28 - Reading/English.
24. I love juice. Apple juice is my favourite.
25. My blood type is AB+.
26. My theme song is "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses. According to an ex coworker, anyways.
27. My sister cleaned her keyboard earlier, and when I licked icing off my fingers (from the cupcakes) I wanted to vomit.
28. I have a fairly strong stomach.
29. The tip of my tongue is burnt and I have no clue why.
30. The only chapstick I'll use is Burt's Bees.
31. My favourite flavour of Jell-O is black cherry.
32. I watched my brother eat yellow snow once.
33. I only eat Jell-O when I'm sick.
34. I overdosed on my brother's epilepsy medicine when I was two. I was in a coma and had to be Flight-for-Life'd to Milwaukee.
35. I don't have any sexy underwear, they're all just cute.
36. I'm terrified of needles. Not piercing needles or sewing needles, but injection needles.
37. Whenever I watch a movie with massive amounts of damage to a city, I always wonder, "If this were real life, who would pay to have that all rebuilt ?" (I don't mean war movies, though.)
38. I'm five feet and nine inches tall, and my weight fluctuates from 125 to 135.
39. I hatehatehate chapped lips.
40. The smell of carmex makes me gag.
41. I have a sensitivity to wool, bleach, pineapple, and amoxicillin.
42. I get really bothered when people ask if I can borrow them something. NO ! I can lend you something, but I will not borrow you ANYTHING !
43. I also hate it when people say "sherbert." It's pronounced SHUR-BIT. SHURBIT. Got it ?!
44. I can't swim. I can swim well enough to get myself to the edge of a pool if I'm pushed into the deep end, but I panic the whole time.
45. I can't fall asleep unless the room is pitch black and I have music.
46. I like the Lord of the Rings movies. A lot, actually.
47. My favourite books are Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
48. When I can't sleep, I sit up in my bed and play Solitaire on my iPod.
49. Every dog is called, "puppy," no matter what age it is.
50. My favourite actresses are Helena Bonham Carter and Rachel McAdams.
Here goes.
1. My shoe size is eight.
2. My natural hair colour is auburn.
3. My top five favourite bands are The Beatles, Streetlight Manifesto, The Airborne Toxic Event, Savage Garden, and The Decemberists.
4. I just ate a chocolate cupcake with red frosting for Valentine's Day !
5. Josh Mazrin dropped me after a funeral, almost two years ago, and I still have the scars.
6. I have over twenty pairs of shoes. My mother has only four, and she's constantly getting on my case about the amount of shoes I own.
7. Whenever I date a boy, I always take one of his hoodies and wear it around the house and to bed.
8. I LOVE Candy Land. It's always been, and always will be, my all-time favourite board game.
9. My celebrity crushes are Edward Norton, Dallas Green, and Eugene Hutz.
10. The only time I would ever tolerate my significant other cheating in a relationship was if it was with Brad Pitt.
11. I hate painting my whole finger nail, I only like doing tips.
12. The only types of macaroni&cheese I'll eat are Velveeta or Kraft, unless my sister makes it. I don't know what makes it different, but it's delicious no matter what brand she uses.
13. I love quotes. But not those lame ones. I love ones that actually mean something. (Ex: "It can't rain all the time." - The Crow.)
14. I have a birthmark on my neck that looks slightly like a hickey.
15. I'm never satisfied with the length of my hair. When it's short, I wish it was long, and when it's long, I wish it was short.
16. My septum was pierced almost a year ago, and I've still only taken it out once. That was for a few seconds because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find the hole again.
17. I wish I had either a British or a French accent. They're sexy as hell.
18. My hair colour is constantly changing. I can never decide on what colour I want it to be.
19. I sing "You are my sunshine" to my boyfriend all the time.
20. I know "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in French, as well as a song about the days of the week, Frere Jacques, and Aluetta.
21. I don't wear eyeliner. The only makeup I wear is eyeshadow and mascara.
22. I don't want to have children until I'm at least twenty-five.
23. My composite score on my ACT was 22. My lowest score was 13 - Science. My highest score was 28 - Reading/English.
24. I love juice. Apple juice is my favourite.
25. My blood type is AB+.
26. My theme song is "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses. According to an ex coworker, anyways.
27. My sister cleaned her keyboard earlier, and when I licked icing off my fingers (from the cupcakes) I wanted to vomit.
28. I have a fairly strong stomach.
29. The tip of my tongue is burnt and I have no clue why.
30. The only chapstick I'll use is Burt's Bees.
31. My favourite flavour of Jell-O is black cherry.
32. I watched my brother eat yellow snow once.
33. I only eat Jell-O when I'm sick.
34. I overdosed on my brother's epilepsy medicine when I was two. I was in a coma and had to be Flight-for-Life'd to Milwaukee.
35. I don't have any sexy underwear, they're all just cute.
36. I'm terrified of needles. Not piercing needles or sewing needles, but injection needles.
37. Whenever I watch a movie with massive amounts of damage to a city, I always wonder, "If this were real life, who would pay to have that all rebuilt ?" (I don't mean war movies, though.)
38. I'm five feet and nine inches tall, and my weight fluctuates from 125 to 135.
39. I hatehatehate chapped lips.
40. The smell of carmex makes me gag.
41. I have a sensitivity to wool, bleach, pineapple, and amoxicillin.
42. I get really bothered when people ask if I can borrow them something. NO ! I can lend you something, but I will not borrow you ANYTHING !
43. I also hate it when people say "sherbert." It's pronounced SHUR-BIT. SHURBIT. Got it ?!
44. I can't swim. I can swim well enough to get myself to the edge of a pool if I'm pushed into the deep end, but I panic the whole time.
45. I can't fall asleep unless the room is pitch black and I have music.
46. I like the Lord of the Rings movies. A lot, actually.
47. My favourite books are Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
48. When I can't sleep, I sit up in my bed and play Solitaire on my iPod.
49. Every dog is called, "puppy," no matter what age it is.
50. My favourite actresses are Helena Bonham Carter and Rachel McAdams.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Lion and the Cadillac
"Fear ? I know not fear. There are only moments of confusion. Some of them are deeply stamped on my memory and a few will haunt me forever.
One of my ugliest and most confused moments, I think, was when I was driving a junk Cadillac down the Coast Highway to Big Sur and a large mountain lion jumped into the moving car.
I had stopped for a moment beside the road to put out a newspaper fire in the backseat when this huge cat either jumped or fell off a cliff and landed on its back in the gravel right beside me. I was leaning over the side and pouring beer on the fire when it happened.
It was late in the day, and I was alone. When the beast hit the ground I had a moment of total confusion. And so did the lion. Then I jumped back in the car and took off down the hill in low gear, thinking to escape certain death or at least mutilation.
The beast had tried to pounce on me from above, but missed. . . . And now, as I shifted the junker into second, I heard a terrible snarling and realized that the cat was running right behind me and gaining . . .(I was, in fact, Terrified at that moment.) . . . And I think I must have gone temporarily insane when he goddamn thing came up beside me and jumped right into the car through the passenger-side window like a bomb.
It bounced against the dashboard and somehow turned the radio volume all the way up. Then it clawed me badly on my arm and one leg. That is why I shudder every time I hear a Chuck Berry tune.
I can still smell the beast. I heard myself screaming as I tried to steer. There was blood all over the seat. The music was deafening and the cat was still snarling and clawing at me. Then it scrambled over the seat and into the back, right into the pile of still-burning newspapers. I heard a screech of pain and saw the cat trying to hurl itself through the back window.
We were still rolling along at about thirty miles per hour when I noticed my ball-peen hammer sticking out of the mangled glove compartment.
I grabbed the hammer with my right hand, steering with my left, and swung it wildly over my shoulder at the mountain lion.
Whack! I felt it hit something that felt vaguely like a carton of eggs, and then there was silence. No resistance in the backseat. Nothing.
I hit the brakes and pulled over. My hand was still on the hammer when I looked back and saw that I had somehow hit the animal squarely on top of its head and driven the iron ball right through its skull and into its brain. It was dead. Hunched on its back and filling the whole rear of the car, which was filling up with blood.
I was no longer confused."
- Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-Crossed Child in the final Days of the American Century.
One of my ugliest and most confused moments, I think, was when I was driving a junk Cadillac down the Coast Highway to Big Sur and a large mountain lion jumped into the moving car.
I had stopped for a moment beside the road to put out a newspaper fire in the backseat when this huge cat either jumped or fell off a cliff and landed on its back in the gravel right beside me. I was leaning over the side and pouring beer on the fire when it happened.
It was late in the day, and I was alone. When the beast hit the ground I had a moment of total confusion. And so did the lion. Then I jumped back in the car and took off down the hill in low gear, thinking to escape certain death or at least mutilation.
The beast had tried to pounce on me from above, but missed. . . . And now, as I shifted the junker into second, I heard a terrible snarling and realized that the cat was running right behind me and gaining . . .(I was, in fact, Terrified at that moment.) . . . And I think I must have gone temporarily insane when he goddamn thing came up beside me and jumped right into the car through the passenger-side window like a bomb.
It bounced against the dashboard and somehow turned the radio volume all the way up. Then it clawed me badly on my arm and one leg. That is why I shudder every time I hear a Chuck Berry tune.
I can still smell the beast. I heard myself screaming as I tried to steer. There was blood all over the seat. The music was deafening and the cat was still snarling and clawing at me. Then it scrambled over the seat and into the back, right into the pile of still-burning newspapers. I heard a screech of pain and saw the cat trying to hurl itself through the back window.
We were still rolling along at about thirty miles per hour when I noticed my ball-peen hammer sticking out of the mangled glove compartment.
I grabbed the hammer with my right hand, steering with my left, and swung it wildly over my shoulder at the mountain lion.
Whack! I felt it hit something that felt vaguely like a carton of eggs, and then there was silence. No resistance in the backseat. Nothing.
I hit the brakes and pulled over. My hand was still on the hammer when I looked back and saw that I had somehow hit the animal squarely on top of its head and driven the iron ball right through its skull and into its brain. It was dead. Hunched on its back and filling the whole rear of the car, which was filling up with blood.
I was no longer confused."
- Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-Crossed Child in the final Days of the American Century.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Revolution Number Nine
I watched the film Wristcutters a few weeks ago with Joshua. I thought it would make me terribly upset, but it really didn't. I liked it a lot, surprisingly. I loved the fact that it never outright told you that Eugene was supposed to be Eugene Hutz, but it was super obvious.
Gogol Bordello, <3.
February twenty-first is five months that Joshua&I have been together. It'll be my longest relationship. Pathetic. But I'm really happy that I'm with him, honestly. I'm in love with the boy. Hopelessly, irrevocably, in love.
His mom&I had a talk, and she said that I could move in with them once I was eighteen as long as I had a job and could contribute x amount of money a week. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna take her up on that offer, but I haven't decided yet. Kirsten said I could move in with her and Anthony once they get a place, and Abby told me a while ago that if I had a job I could move in with her and Lex. Ahh, so many choices.
I'll be eighteen in less than two months ! I'm SO excited. I'll be legal, haha. I can buy cigarettes and porn, and a car. I can move out of this shithole. I have free reign and complete control of my life.
I'm really scared, also, though. Once I'm eighteen, I'll have responsibilities that I don't have now. I won't have health insurance anymore. I can't come crawling back to Mommy&Daddy whenever something goes wrong. I have to stick everything out and deal with it myself.
I hope I'm strong enough to be able to do that.
I know I am. I'm still terrified.
Are you gonna sink or swim?
From coast to coast, it's more than you bargained for.
Are you gonna lose or win?
From ties and lies, it's something worth trying for.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Eight Days A Week.
I don't even know what to write about, honestly, but I figured I'd update this just because. So. I'm sick. Ohkay. It sucks. I have the flu, I think. Well, regardless, I have a fever, and I feel like somebody body-slammed me into a brick wall. My body feels like one giant bruise. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to speak. I would much rather be sick than depressed, though. And right now, I'm both. And I'll BE depressed until December second, granted everything goes right. Fuckmylife.
This past weekend was awesome. I got pretty drunk, did some things I probably regret, but it's whatever, I suppose. I'm out of cigarettes, however. That brings me down. Meh.
I also dyed my hair this weekend. See those darker spots near the front ? Yeah. That's green. It was supposed to be turquoise, but you know what ? I've learned that wash-out dyes suck and they don't always come out the colour you'd like them to be. Bummer, eh ?
I'd say make a perfect
Angel in the snow,
All crushed out
On the way you are.
Don't you know
That I love you ?
Sometimes I feel like
Only a cold still life
That fell down here
To lay beside you.
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