(This poem was written for my freshman English class, but it still applies today.
So that's why I'm putting it onto here.)
I am ...
A bottle of wine -
Sickly sweet and addicting;
The Bible's Jonah -
Off-path and astray;
A letter -
Torn up, full of so many words unspoken;
An old dog -
Tired and forgotten;
An unfinished book -
Written part of the way, then set aside;
A song -
Full of underlying meaning;
A work of embroidery -
Beautiful, yet delicate;
A priceless antique -
Fragile, no one wants for fear of breaking;
A ruined tie -
Discarded and labeled "garbage";
An expensive toy -
Never used, sitting on a dusty shelf, waiting;
The last cigarette -
Then you quit forever.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
It can't rain all the time.
So to go along with the whole Facebook thing of fifty random facts, I figured since I'm doing nothing right now but watching a movie with my sister. Not just any movie; Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest. Love it, <3.
Here goes.
1. My shoe size is eight.
2. My natural hair colour is auburn.
3. My top five favourite bands are The Beatles, Streetlight Manifesto, The Airborne Toxic Event, Savage Garden, and The Decemberists.
4. I just ate a chocolate cupcake with red frosting for Valentine's Day !
5. Josh Mazrin dropped me after a funeral, almost two years ago, and I still have the scars.
6. I have over twenty pairs of shoes. My mother has only four, and she's constantly getting on my case about the amount of shoes I own.
7. Whenever I date a boy, I always take one of his hoodies and wear it around the house and to bed.
8. I LOVE Candy Land. It's always been, and always will be, my all-time favourite board game.
9. My celebrity crushes are Edward Norton, Dallas Green, and Eugene Hutz.
10. The only time I would ever tolerate my significant other cheating in a relationship was if it was with Brad Pitt.
11. I hate painting my whole finger nail, I only like doing tips.
12. The only types of macaroni&cheese I'll eat are Velveeta or Kraft, unless my sister makes it. I don't know what makes it different, but it's delicious no matter what brand she uses.
13. I love quotes. But not those lame ones. I love ones that actually mean something. (Ex: "It can't rain all the time." - The Crow.)
14. I have a birthmark on my neck that looks slightly like a hickey.
15. I'm never satisfied with the length of my hair. When it's short, I wish it was long, and when it's long, I wish it was short.
16. My septum was pierced almost a year ago, and I've still only taken it out once. That was for a few seconds because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find the hole again.
17. I wish I had either a British or a French accent. They're sexy as hell.
18. My hair colour is constantly changing. I can never decide on what colour I want it to be.
19. I sing "You are my sunshine" to my boyfriend all the time.
20. I know "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in French, as well as a song about the days of the week, Frere Jacques, and Aluetta.
21. I don't wear eyeliner. The only makeup I wear is eyeshadow and mascara.
22. I don't want to have children until I'm at least twenty-five.
23. My composite score on my ACT was 22. My lowest score was 13 - Science. My highest score was 28 - Reading/English.
24. I love juice. Apple juice is my favourite.
25. My blood type is AB+.
26. My theme song is "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses. According to an ex coworker, anyways.
27. My sister cleaned her keyboard earlier, and when I licked icing off my fingers (from the cupcakes) I wanted to vomit.
28. I have a fairly strong stomach.
29. The tip of my tongue is burnt and I have no clue why.
30. The only chapstick I'll use is Burt's Bees.
31. My favourite flavour of Jell-O is black cherry.
32. I watched my brother eat yellow snow once.
33. I only eat Jell-O when I'm sick.
34. I overdosed on my brother's epilepsy medicine when I was two. I was in a coma and had to be Flight-for-Life'd to Milwaukee.
35. I don't have any sexy underwear, they're all just cute.
36. I'm terrified of needles. Not piercing needles or sewing needles, but injection needles.
37. Whenever I watch a movie with massive amounts of damage to a city, I always wonder, "If this were real life, who would pay to have that all rebuilt ?" (I don't mean war movies, though.)
38. I'm five feet and nine inches tall, and my weight fluctuates from 125 to 135.
39. I hatehatehate chapped lips.
40. The smell of carmex makes me gag.
41. I have a sensitivity to wool, bleach, pineapple, and amoxicillin.
42. I get really bothered when people ask if I can borrow them something. NO ! I can lend you something, but I will not borrow you ANYTHING !
43. I also hate it when people say "sherbert." It's pronounced SHUR-BIT. SHURBIT. Got it ?!
44. I can't swim. I can swim well enough to get myself to the edge of a pool if I'm pushed into the deep end, but I panic the whole time.
45. I can't fall asleep unless the room is pitch black and I have music.
46. I like the Lord of the Rings movies. A lot, actually.
47. My favourite books are Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
48. When I can't sleep, I sit up in my bed and play Solitaire on my iPod.
49. Every dog is called, "puppy," no matter what age it is.
50. My favourite actresses are Helena Bonham Carter and Rachel McAdams.
Here goes.
1. My shoe size is eight.
2. My natural hair colour is auburn.
3. My top five favourite bands are The Beatles, Streetlight Manifesto, The Airborne Toxic Event, Savage Garden, and The Decemberists.
4. I just ate a chocolate cupcake with red frosting for Valentine's Day !
5. Josh Mazrin dropped me after a funeral, almost two years ago, and I still have the scars.
6. I have over twenty pairs of shoes. My mother has only four, and she's constantly getting on my case about the amount of shoes I own.
7. Whenever I date a boy, I always take one of his hoodies and wear it around the house and to bed.
8. I LOVE Candy Land. It's always been, and always will be, my all-time favourite board game.
9. My celebrity crushes are Edward Norton, Dallas Green, and Eugene Hutz.
10. The only time I would ever tolerate my significant other cheating in a relationship was if it was with Brad Pitt.
11. I hate painting my whole finger nail, I only like doing tips.
12. The only types of macaroni&cheese I'll eat are Velveeta or Kraft, unless my sister makes it. I don't know what makes it different, but it's delicious no matter what brand she uses.
13. I love quotes. But not those lame ones. I love ones that actually mean something. (Ex: "It can't rain all the time." - The Crow.)
14. I have a birthmark on my neck that looks slightly like a hickey.
15. I'm never satisfied with the length of my hair. When it's short, I wish it was long, and when it's long, I wish it was short.
16. My septum was pierced almost a year ago, and I've still only taken it out once. That was for a few seconds because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find the hole again.
17. I wish I had either a British or a French accent. They're sexy as hell.
18. My hair colour is constantly changing. I can never decide on what colour I want it to be.
19. I sing "You are my sunshine" to my boyfriend all the time.
20. I know "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in French, as well as a song about the days of the week, Frere Jacques, and Aluetta.
21. I don't wear eyeliner. The only makeup I wear is eyeshadow and mascara.
22. I don't want to have children until I'm at least twenty-five.
23. My composite score on my ACT was 22. My lowest score was 13 - Science. My highest score was 28 - Reading/English.
24. I love juice. Apple juice is my favourite.
25. My blood type is AB+.
26. My theme song is "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses. According to an ex coworker, anyways.
27. My sister cleaned her keyboard earlier, and when I licked icing off my fingers (from the cupcakes) I wanted to vomit.
28. I have a fairly strong stomach.
29. The tip of my tongue is burnt and I have no clue why.
30. The only chapstick I'll use is Burt's Bees.
31. My favourite flavour of Jell-O is black cherry.
32. I watched my brother eat yellow snow once.
33. I only eat Jell-O when I'm sick.
34. I overdosed on my brother's epilepsy medicine when I was two. I was in a coma and had to be Flight-for-Life'd to Milwaukee.
35. I don't have any sexy underwear, they're all just cute.
36. I'm terrified of needles. Not piercing needles or sewing needles, but injection needles.
37. Whenever I watch a movie with massive amounts of damage to a city, I always wonder, "If this were real life, who would pay to have that all rebuilt ?" (I don't mean war movies, though.)
38. I'm five feet and nine inches tall, and my weight fluctuates from 125 to 135.
39. I hatehatehate chapped lips.
40. The smell of carmex makes me gag.
41. I have a sensitivity to wool, bleach, pineapple, and amoxicillin.
42. I get really bothered when people ask if I can borrow them something. NO ! I can lend you something, but I will not borrow you ANYTHING !
43. I also hate it when people say "sherbert." It's pronounced SHUR-BIT. SHURBIT. Got it ?!
44. I can't swim. I can swim well enough to get myself to the edge of a pool if I'm pushed into the deep end, but I panic the whole time.
45. I can't fall asleep unless the room is pitch black and I have music.
46. I like the Lord of the Rings movies. A lot, actually.
47. My favourite books are Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs; Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
48. When I can't sleep, I sit up in my bed and play Solitaire on my iPod.
49. Every dog is called, "puppy," no matter what age it is.
50. My favourite actresses are Helena Bonham Carter and Rachel McAdams.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Lion and the Cadillac
"Fear ? I know not fear. There are only moments of confusion. Some of them are deeply stamped on my memory and a few will haunt me forever.
One of my ugliest and most confused moments, I think, was when I was driving a junk Cadillac down the Coast Highway to Big Sur and a large mountain lion jumped into the moving car.
I had stopped for a moment beside the road to put out a newspaper fire in the backseat when this huge cat either jumped or fell off a cliff and landed on its back in the gravel right beside me. I was leaning over the side and pouring beer on the fire when it happened.
It was late in the day, and I was alone. When the beast hit the ground I had a moment of total confusion. And so did the lion. Then I jumped back in the car and took off down the hill in low gear, thinking to escape certain death or at least mutilation.
The beast had tried to pounce on me from above, but missed. . . . And now, as I shifted the junker into second, I heard a terrible snarling and realized that the cat was running right behind me and gaining . . .(I was, in fact, Terrified at that moment.) . . . And I think I must have gone temporarily insane when he goddamn thing came up beside me and jumped right into the car through the passenger-side window like a bomb.
It bounced against the dashboard and somehow turned the radio volume all the way up. Then it clawed me badly on my arm and one leg. That is why I shudder every time I hear a Chuck Berry tune.
I can still smell the beast. I heard myself screaming as I tried to steer. There was blood all over the seat. The music was deafening and the cat was still snarling and clawing at me. Then it scrambled over the seat and into the back, right into the pile of still-burning newspapers. I heard a screech of pain and saw the cat trying to hurl itself through the back window.
We were still rolling along at about thirty miles per hour when I noticed my ball-peen hammer sticking out of the mangled glove compartment.
I grabbed the hammer with my right hand, steering with my left, and swung it wildly over my shoulder at the mountain lion.
Whack! I felt it hit something that felt vaguely like a carton of eggs, and then there was silence. No resistance in the backseat. Nothing.
I hit the brakes and pulled over. My hand was still on the hammer when I looked back and saw that I had somehow hit the animal squarely on top of its head and driven the iron ball right through its skull and into its brain. It was dead. Hunched on its back and filling the whole rear of the car, which was filling up with blood.
I was no longer confused."
- Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-Crossed Child in the final Days of the American Century.
One of my ugliest and most confused moments, I think, was when I was driving a junk Cadillac down the Coast Highway to Big Sur and a large mountain lion jumped into the moving car.
I had stopped for a moment beside the road to put out a newspaper fire in the backseat when this huge cat either jumped or fell off a cliff and landed on its back in the gravel right beside me. I was leaning over the side and pouring beer on the fire when it happened.
It was late in the day, and I was alone. When the beast hit the ground I had a moment of total confusion. And so did the lion. Then I jumped back in the car and took off down the hill in low gear, thinking to escape certain death or at least mutilation.
The beast had tried to pounce on me from above, but missed. . . . And now, as I shifted the junker into second, I heard a terrible snarling and realized that the cat was running right behind me and gaining . . .(I was, in fact, Terrified at that moment.) . . . And I think I must have gone temporarily insane when he goddamn thing came up beside me and jumped right into the car through the passenger-side window like a bomb.
It bounced against the dashboard and somehow turned the radio volume all the way up. Then it clawed me badly on my arm and one leg. That is why I shudder every time I hear a Chuck Berry tune.
I can still smell the beast. I heard myself screaming as I tried to steer. There was blood all over the seat. The music was deafening and the cat was still snarling and clawing at me. Then it scrambled over the seat and into the back, right into the pile of still-burning newspapers. I heard a screech of pain and saw the cat trying to hurl itself through the back window.
We were still rolling along at about thirty miles per hour when I noticed my ball-peen hammer sticking out of the mangled glove compartment.
I grabbed the hammer with my right hand, steering with my left, and swung it wildly over my shoulder at the mountain lion.
Whack! I felt it hit something that felt vaguely like a carton of eggs, and then there was silence. No resistance in the backseat. Nothing.
I hit the brakes and pulled over. My hand was still on the hammer when I looked back and saw that I had somehow hit the animal squarely on top of its head and driven the iron ball right through its skull and into its brain. It was dead. Hunched on its back and filling the whole rear of the car, which was filling up with blood.
I was no longer confused."
- Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-Crossed Child in the final Days of the American Century.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Revolution Number Nine
I watched the film Wristcutters a few weeks ago with Joshua. I thought it would make me terribly upset, but it really didn't. I liked it a lot, surprisingly. I loved the fact that it never outright told you that Eugene was supposed to be Eugene Hutz, but it was super obvious.
Gogol Bordello, <3.
February twenty-first is five months that Joshua&I have been together. It'll be my longest relationship. Pathetic. But I'm really happy that I'm with him, honestly. I'm in love with the boy. Hopelessly, irrevocably, in love.
His mom&I had a talk, and she said that I could move in with them once I was eighteen as long as I had a job and could contribute x amount of money a week. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna take her up on that offer, but I haven't decided yet. Kirsten said I could move in with her and Anthony once they get a place, and Abby told me a while ago that if I had a job I could move in with her and Lex. Ahh, so many choices.
I'll be eighteen in less than two months ! I'm SO excited. I'll be legal, haha. I can buy cigarettes and porn, and a car. I can move out of this shithole. I have free reign and complete control of my life.
I'm really scared, also, though. Once I'm eighteen, I'll have responsibilities that I don't have now. I won't have health insurance anymore. I can't come crawling back to Mommy&Daddy whenever something goes wrong. I have to stick everything out and deal with it myself.
I hope I'm strong enough to be able to do that.
I know I am. I'm still terrified.
Are you gonna sink or swim?
From coast to coast, it's more than you bargained for.
Are you gonna lose or win?
From ties and lies, it's something worth trying for.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Eight Days A Week.
I don't even know what to write about, honestly, but I figured I'd update this just because. So. I'm sick. Ohkay. It sucks. I have the flu, I think. Well, regardless, I have a fever, and I feel like somebody body-slammed me into a brick wall. My body feels like one giant bruise. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to speak. I would much rather be sick than depressed, though. And right now, I'm both. And I'll BE depressed until December second, granted everything goes right. Fuckmylife.
This past weekend was awesome. I got pretty drunk, did some things I probably regret, but it's whatever, I suppose. I'm out of cigarettes, however. That brings me down. Meh.
I also dyed my hair this weekend. See those darker spots near the front ? Yeah. That's green. It was supposed to be turquoise, but you know what ? I've learned that wash-out dyes suck and they don't always come out the colour you'd like them to be. Bummer, eh ?
I'd say make a perfect
Angel in the snow,
All crushed out
On the way you are.
Don't you know
That I love you ?
Sometimes I feel like
Only a cold still life
That fell down here
To lay beside you.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Seven Nation Army.
Last night, as my MySpace status, I put "I wanna be the very best like no one ever was !" I had four people comment it and finish the lyrics. Made. My. Day.
Paranormal Activity. Scariest shit ever. At the end of the movie, I was so terrified I was shaking and crying. I highly recommend it. As crazy as that sounds.
She gets what she wants and she breaks what she gets,
Get out while you can or she'll tear you to pieces.
Take off your makeup and put down the camera,
Choke on the drama that makes me want to
Tear up the pictures, the pages you've saved.
Creating a life of trends and make-believe.
Carry on home, I'll be waiting miles&miles away.
Leaving you to be forever seventeen,
Cleaning up the messes that you've made.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Count To Six And Die.
So I'm sitting here, wondering if it's a bad thing that I'm listening to Adam's Song by Blink-182 on repeat. It was his favourite song, and that makes perfect sense. I wish I had seen it coming. Over a year and a half, and I'm still filled with regret and misery. I can't tell anyone, though. I'm afraid they'll all think I'm desperate and crazy for having my ex-boyfriend on my mind twenty-four/seven. I can't talk about how much I miss him, how amazing he was, all of the good times we had together ... Nobody wants to hear about a dead person. It just puts everyone in an awkward position, I suppose. And that's too bad, because I'd really like to talk about him sometimes.
I'd really like to share with everyone all of the awesome times we had. Like the one time that we were at the park on my birthday and he kept saying things to make me cry, but then he did a backflip off of the swing and it made everything better. We shared a frappuccino, and after it was gone we threw it around the playground pretending it was a child. We would have been terrible parents, I swear. Haha.
I miss our picnics. Fruit roll ups and rainbow goldfish. VitaminWater and frappuccinos. Nachos and cheese.
This makes me feel ridiculously pathetic. I feel like I should be completely over the whole thing by now. But for some reason, I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be at this rate. I've grown up so much in the past year and a half, but I feel that this is something I won't be able to let go of for the rest of my life. And that terrifies me, to be completely honest. It really, really does.
Why am I so cold ?
And my heart feels sick
And it hurts when I speak.
This is not what I hoped for.
Wake, wake up.
Wake, wake up.
Was this what we hoped for ?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Five Finger Discount.
Awesome possum ! I'm so. Baked. I snorted five lines of Oxycontin, and I smoked a joint. Pretty sweet.
Lexi&Paul are trying to figure out how to cook TGI Friday's food. I'm eating a carrot chicken. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but that's what I'm calling it. It's a chicken nugget, but without the chicken inside. There's a carrot. This is weird. I'm so used to texting on my BlackBerry that I tried pressing the space bar twice to make a period. Now I'm eating a shrimp chicken. It's the same thing as carrot chicken, but instead of carrot it's shrimp. THIS IS DELICIOUS !
Lexi says, "Kick ass dude !" Awesome possum.
If I give you sugar will you give me
Something elusive and temporary ?
"Is defrosting within plastic okay ? The plastic is melting. And the alfredo sauce isn't melted enough."
Friday, October 9, 2009
Four Winds.
I'm always wishing, I'm always wishing too late.
For things to come my way.
It always ends up the same.
Count your blessings.
I must be missing, I must be missing the point.
Your signal fades away and all I'm left with is noise.
Count your blessings on one hand.
So wait up, I'm not sleeping alone again tonight.
There's so much to dream about, there must be more to my life.
Wait up for me, wait up for me.
Due to some things that have happened recently, Stephan&I are no longer together. I don't know whatthefuck's gonna happen, honestly. But at this point, I'm really not too concerned. I don't know if I'm ready for commitment, so I'm just going to see how things go.
I'm getting a mohawk soon. This is what it'll look like, style-wise: Mohawk ! And as far as colour goes, I'm not entirely sure. I've been thinking about doing the black, and then perhaps turquoise ? It all depends on my feelings, I guess. I'm very indecisive when it comes to my hair ... We'll see what happens and how it turns out !
This is where I'm spending most of my time these days: LiveJournalSecret. It makes me feel better to know that people are going through some of the same things I am.
And on that note. Peace out, kids.
For things to come my way.
It always ends up the same.
Count your blessings.
I must be missing, I must be missing the point.
Your signal fades away and all I'm left with is noise.
Count your blessings on one hand.
So wait up, I'm not sleeping alone again tonight.
There's so much to dream about, there must be more to my life.
Wait up for me, wait up for me.
Due to some things that have happened recently, Stephan&I are no longer together. I don't know whatthefuck's gonna happen, honestly. But at this point, I'm really not too concerned. I don't know if I'm ready for commitment, so I'm just going to see how things go.
I'm getting a mohawk soon. This is what it'll look like, style-wise: Mohawk ! And as far as colour goes, I'm not entirely sure. I've been thinking about doing the black, and then perhaps turquoise ? It all depends on my feelings, I guess. I'm very indecisive when it comes to my hair ... We'll see what happens and how it turns out !
This is where I'm spending most of my time these days: LiveJournalSecret. It makes me feel better to know that people are going through some of the same things I am.
And on that note. Peace out, kids.
Monday, September 7, 2009
A Story At Three
Stuff White People Like.
This website. Is one of the most ridiculous ones that I have honestly ever encountered. It's all about how to make friends with white people, because supposedly we're so terribly stereotypical. It's funny, though, because they say that these are things that all white people like. I'm white. I hate more than half of those things. It's probably the stupidest website I've come across in a while. Sure, I like The Onion, and I like sweaters and hummus, but that doesn't mean that those are the only things I can talk about EVER. Hah.
Now, on a more positive note... MyLifeIsAverage.
This website will brighten up your day. I guarantee it, :D.
This website. Is one of the most ridiculous ones that I have honestly ever encountered. It's all about how to make friends with white people, because supposedly we're so terribly stereotypical. It's funny, though, because they say that these are things that all white people like. I'm white. I hate more than half of those things. It's probably the stupidest website I've come across in a while. Sure, I like The Onion, and I like sweaters and hummus, but that doesn't mean that those are the only things I can talk about EVER. Hah.
Now, on a more positive note... MyLifeIsAverage.
This website will brighten up your day. I guarantee it, :D.
Scene Two.
Stephan and I are official. Saturday, September 5, 2009. I used to dread the fifth, but now I have a positive and a negative. I guess that's a good thing, right ? These two extremes share a date.
I suppose I'm not entirely sure of what to think of this. I mean, on the one hand, I'm glad that I have something to look forward to, but on the other hand, I kind of feel bad that both of those things have to share a date. They should each have their own special day, shouldn't they ? Oh, I don't know.
I pierced my other snakebite on Wednesday, and it's doing really well, considering the fact that I did it myself. It doesn't ooze as much (I know, that's gross, but it's life, haha) and it doesn't hurt as much, either. I'm really excited. Except I can't keep the stud in, I have to have a ring, which means that I can't have my left snakebite in because I don't have a ring for that one. It kinda blows, but whatever !
I'm in a weird mood today. This weekend has kind of been a disappointment. I got to see Stephan Friday night, and Stef, Seth, and I stayed in Rockford for the night. But I was sick the whole time, and I'm still sick. It's Monday. I have no immune system, and I hate it. Ohwell.
I like where we are
When we drive in your car.
And I like where we are, here.
'Cause our lips can touch,
And our cheeks can brush.
Our lips can touch, here.
Well you are the one,
The one that lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else
I could be but here in your arms.
I like where you sleep,
When you sleep next to me.
I like where you sleep, here.
I suppose I'm not entirely sure of what to think of this. I mean, on the one hand, I'm glad that I have something to look forward to, but on the other hand, I kind of feel bad that both of those things have to share a date. They should each have their own special day, shouldn't they ? Oh, I don't know.
I pierced my other snakebite on Wednesday, and it's doing really well, considering the fact that I did it myself. It doesn't ooze as much (I know, that's gross, but it's life, haha) and it doesn't hurt as much, either. I'm really excited. Except I can't keep the stud in, I have to have a ring, which means that I can't have my left snakebite in because I don't have a ring for that one. It kinda blows, but whatever !
I'm in a weird mood today. This weekend has kind of been a disappointment. I got to see Stephan Friday night, and Stef, Seth, and I stayed in Rockford for the night. But I was sick the whole time, and I'm still sick. It's Monday. I have no immune system, and I hate it. Ohwell.
I like where we are
When we drive in your car.
And I like where we are, here.
'Cause our lips can touch,
And our cheeks can brush.
Our lips can touch, here.
Well you are the one,
The one that lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else
I could be but here in your arms.
I like where you sleep,
When you sleep next to me.
I like where you sleep, here.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
One Is The Loneliest Number.
So save your scissors
For someone else's skin.
My surface is so tough,
I don't think the
Blade will dig in.
Save your strength.
Save your wasted time.
August 29, 2009.
10:06 pm.
Today. Was an interesting day. Josh and Lucas stopped by. Lucas is moving to California tomorrow, and he wanted his shirt back from when I slept over at his house. Josh's brother Sam wanted the hoodie they share back. So. They stopped by for about five minutes. Whatevs, I guess. As they were leaving, though, Lucas said, "I'll probably never see you again." It kind of upset me, because even though he was only a fling, I liked him. He was all dark and charismatic and mysterious.
I dunno.
I am honestly scared out of my mind for X (let's call him Fernando). I love the kid SO much. He's like my little brother. My heart fucking goes out to him. He came out to me a while back, and he's having a lot of difficulties with it. He can't really tell anyone, because everyone in McHenry is way too judgmental. He texted me today saying that he was thinking about throwing himself in front of traffic. My heart. Stopped. I cannot even imagine what I would do if anything happened to him.
I want to save him.
Ever since William died, whenever I see someone in a tough spot or something, I feel the need to help them. To save them. And the saddest part ? I can't do that. The only person who can, is themself.
That kills me.
For someone else's skin.
My surface is so tough,
I don't think the
Blade will dig in.
Save your strength.
Save your wasted time.
August 29, 2009.
10:06 pm.
Today. Was an interesting day. Josh and Lucas stopped by. Lucas is moving to California tomorrow, and he wanted his shirt back from when I slept over at his house. Josh's brother Sam wanted the hoodie they share back. So. They stopped by for about five minutes. Whatevs, I guess. As they were leaving, though, Lucas said, "I'll probably never see you again." It kind of upset me, because even though he was only a fling, I liked him. He was all dark and charismatic and mysterious.
I dunno.
I am honestly scared out of my mind for X (let's call him Fernando). I love the kid SO much. He's like my little brother. My heart fucking goes out to him. He came out to me a while back, and he's having a lot of difficulties with it. He can't really tell anyone, because everyone in McHenry is way too judgmental. He texted me today saying that he was thinking about throwing himself in front of traffic. My heart. Stopped. I cannot even imagine what I would do if anything happened to him.
I want to save him.
Ever since William died, whenever I see someone in a tough spot or something, I feel the need to help them. To save them. And the saddest part ? I can't do that. The only person who can, is themself.
That kills me.
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