Count To Six And Die.

So I'm sitting here, wondering if it's a bad thing that I'm listening to Adam's Song by Blink-182 on repeat. It was his favourite song, and that makes perfect sense. I wish I had seen it coming. Over a year and a half, and I'm still filled with regret and misery. I can't tell anyone, though. I'm afraid they'll all think I'm desperate and crazy for having my ex-boyfriend on my mind twenty-four/seven. I can't talk about how much I miss him, how amazing he was, all of the good times we had together ... Nobody wants to hear about a dead person. It just puts everyone in an awkward position, I suppose. And that's too bad, because I'd really like to talk about him sometimes.
I'd really like to share with everyone all of the awesome times we had. Like the one time that we were at the park on my birthday and he kept saying things to make me cry, but then he did a backflip off of the swing and it made everything better. We shared a frappuccino, and after it was gone we threw it around the playground pretending it was a child. We would have been terrible parents, I swear. Haha.
I miss our picnics. Fruit roll ups and rainbow goldfish. VitaminWater and frappuccinos. Nachos and cheese.

This makes me feel ridiculously pathetic. I feel like I should be completely over the whole thing by now. But for some reason, I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be at this rate. I've grown up so much in the past year and a half, but I feel that this is something I won't be able to let go of for the rest of my life. And that terrifies me, to be completely honest. It really, really does.

Why am I so cold ?
And my heart feels sick
And it hurts when I speak.
This is not what I hoped for.
Wake, wake up.
Wake, wake up.
Was this what we hoped for ?