Eight Days A Week.

I don't even know what to write about, honestly, but I figured I'd update this just because. So. I'm sick. Ohkay. It sucks. I have the flu, I think. Well, regardless, I have a fever, and I feel like somebody body-slammed me into a brick wall. My body feels like one giant bruise. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to speak. I would much rather be sick than depressed, though. And right now, I'm both. And I'll BE depressed until December second, granted everything goes right. Fuckmylife.

This past weekend was awesome. I got pretty drunk, did some things I probably regret, but it's whatever, I suppose. I'm out of cigarettes, however. That brings me down. Meh.

I also dyed my hair this weekend. See those darker spots near the front ? Yeah. That's green. It was supposed to be turquoise, but you know what ? I've learned that wash-out dyes suck and they don't always come out the colour you'd like them to be. Bummer, eh ?


I'd say make a perfect
Angel in the snow,
All crushed out
On the way you are.
Don't you know
That I love you ?
Sometimes I feel like
Only a cold still life
That fell down here
To lay beside you.

Seven Nation Army.

Last night, as my MySpace status, I put "I wanna be the very best like no one ever was !" I had four people comment it and finish the lyrics. Made. My. Day.

Paranormal Activity. Scariest shit ever. At the end of the movie, I was so terrified I was shaking and crying. I highly recommend it. As crazy as that sounds.



She gets what she wants and she breaks what she gets,
Get out while you can or she'll tear you to pieces.
Take off your makeup and put down the camera,
Choke on the drama that makes me want to
Tear up the pictures, the pages you've saved.
Creating a life of trends and make-believe.
Carry on home, I'll be waiting miles&miles away.
Leaving you to be forever seventeen,
Cleaning up the messes that you've made.

Count To Six And Die.

So I'm sitting here, wondering if it's a bad thing that I'm listening to Adam's Song by Blink-182 on repeat. It was his favourite song, and that makes perfect sense. I wish I had seen it coming. Over a year and a half, and I'm still filled with regret and misery. I can't tell anyone, though. I'm afraid they'll all think I'm desperate and crazy for having my ex-boyfriend on my mind twenty-four/seven. I can't talk about how much I miss him, how amazing he was, all of the good times we had together ... Nobody wants to hear about a dead person. It just puts everyone in an awkward position, I suppose. And that's too bad, because I'd really like to talk about him sometimes.
I'd really like to share with everyone all of the awesome times we had. Like the one time that we were at the park on my birthday and he kept saying things to make me cry, but then he did a backflip off of the swing and it made everything better. We shared a frappuccino, and after it was gone we threw it around the playground pretending it was a child. We would have been terrible parents, I swear. Haha.
I miss our picnics. Fruit roll ups and rainbow goldfish. VitaminWater and frappuccinos. Nachos and cheese.

This makes me feel ridiculously pathetic. I feel like I should be completely over the whole thing by now. But for some reason, I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be at this rate. I've grown up so much in the past year and a half, but I feel that this is something I won't be able to let go of for the rest of my life. And that terrifies me, to be completely honest. It really, really does.

Why am I so cold ?
And my heart feels sick
And it hurts when I speak.
This is not what I hoped for.
Wake, wake up.
Wake, wake up.
Was this what we hoped for ?

Five Finger Discount.

Awesome possum ! I'm so. Baked. I snorted five lines of Oxycontin, and I smoked a joint. Pretty sweet.

Lexi&Paul are trying to figure out how to cook TGI Friday's food. I'm eating a carrot chicken. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but that's what I'm calling it. It's a chicken nugget, but without the chicken inside. There's a carrot. This is weird. I'm so used to texting on my BlackBerry that I tried pressing the space bar twice to make a period. Now I'm eating a shrimp chicken. It's the same thing as carrot chicken, but instead of carrot it's shrimp. THIS IS DELICIOUS !

Lexi says, "Kick ass dude !" Awesome possum.

If I give you sugar will you give me

Something elusive and temporary ?

"Is defrosting within plastic okay ? The plastic is melting. And the alfredo sauce isn't melted enough."

Four Winds.

I'm always wishing, I'm always wishing too late.
For things to come my way.
It always ends up the same.
Count your blessings.
I must be missing, I must be missing the point.
Your signal fades away and all I'm left with is noise.
Count your blessings on one hand.
So wait up, I'm not sleeping alone again tonight.
There's so much to dream about, there must be more to my life.
Wait up for me, wait up for me.

Due to some things that have happened recently, Stephan&I are no longer together. I don't know whatthefuck's gonna happen, honestly. But at this point, I'm really not too concerned. I don't know if I'm ready for commitment, so I'm just going to see how things go.

I'm getting a mohawk soon. This is what it'll look like, style-wise: Mohawk ! And as far as colour goes, I'm not entirely sure. I've been thinking about doing the black, and then perhaps turquoise ? It all depends on my feelings, I guess. I'm very indecisive when it comes to my hair ... We'll see what happens and how it turns out !


This is where I'm spending most of my time these days: LiveJournalSecret. It makes me feel better to know that people are going through some of the same things I am.

And on that note. Peace out, kids.

A Story At Three

Stuff White People Like.

This website. Is one of the most ridiculous ones that I have honestly ever encountered. It's all about how to make friends with white people, because supposedly we're so terribly stereotypical. It's funny, though, because they say that these are things that all white people like. I'm white. I hate more than half of those things. It's probably the stupidest website I've come across in a while. Sure, I like The Onion, and I like sweaters and hummus, but that doesn't mean that those are the only things I can talk about EVER. Hah.


Now, on a more positive note... MyLifeIsAverage.
This website will brighten up your day. I guarantee it, :D.

Scene Two.

Stephan and I are official. Saturday, September 5, 2009. I used to dread the fifth, but now I have a positive and a negative. I guess that's a good thing, right ? These two extremes share a date.

I suppose I'm not entirely sure of what to think of this. I mean, on the one hand, I'm glad that I have something to look forward to, but on the other hand, I kind of feel bad that both of those things have to share a date. They should each have their own special day, shouldn't they ? Oh, I don't know.



I pierced my other snakebite on Wednesday, and it's doing really well, considering the fact that I did it myself. It doesn't ooze as much (I know, that's gross, but it's life, haha) and it doesn't hurt as much, either. I'm really excited. Except I can't keep the stud in, I have to have a ring, which means that I can't have my left snakebite in because I don't have a ring for that one. It kinda blows, but whatever !

I'm in a weird mood today. This weekend has kind of been a disappointment. I got to see Stephan Friday night, and Stef, Seth, and I stayed in Rockford for the night. But I was sick the whole time, and I'm still sick. It's Monday. I have no immune system, and I hate it. Ohwell.



I like where we are
When we drive in your car.
And I like where we are, here.
'Cause our lips can touch,
And our cheeks can brush.
Our lips can touch, here.
Well you are the one,
The one that lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else
I could be but here in your arms.
I like where you sleep,
When you sleep next to me.
I like where you sleep, here.

One Is The Loneliest Number.

So save your scissors
For someone else's skin.
My surface is so tough,
I don't think the
Blade will dig in.
Save your strength.
Save your wasted time.


August 29, 2009.
10:06 pm.
Today. Was an interesting day. Josh and Lucas stopped by. Lucas is moving to California tomorrow, and he wanted his shirt back from when I slept over at his house. Josh's brother Sam wanted the hoodie they share back. So. They stopped by for about five minutes. Whatevs, I guess. As they were leaving, though, Lucas said, "I'll probably never see you again." It kind of upset me, because even though he was only a fling, I liked him. He was all dark and charismatic and mysterious.
I dunno.

I am honestly scared out of my mind for X (let's call him Fernando). I love the kid SO much. He's like my little brother. My heart fucking goes out to him. He came out to me a while back, and he's having a lot of difficulties with it. He can't really tell anyone, because everyone in McHenry is way too judgmental. He texted me today saying that he was thinking about throwing himself in front of traffic. My heart. Stopped. I cannot even imagine what I would do if anything happened to him.
I want to save him.
Ever since William died, whenever I see someone in a tough spot or something, I feel the need to help them. To save them. And the saddest part ? I can't do that. The only person who can, is themself.
That kills me.